The 2015 NFL All Ski-Mask Way Defense

(photo courtesy of http://www.imgarcarde.com)

They say defense win championships. Well, this defense has given a new definition to the term “winning in different ways”. All the guys on the All Ski-Mask way defensive team have earned their way there by either lagging in effort or not living up the expectations the money they made would have them to. The committee has gathered and here is what we came up with. Without further ado, here is the 2015 NFL All Ski-Mask Way defense.

(photo courtesy of Kirby Lee/USA Today Sports)

Safety-Eric Weddle, San Diego Chargers ($10 million)

“Great numbers at 2 million dollars a year. 79 tackles and half a sack. Then you realize he made 10 million this year and you think again. There’s been degeneration in his play for a while but he’s gone from Eric Weddle to Eric Waddle. He strikes fear in cartoon characters but not receivers running a skinny post past him. He was paid 8 million too much in my opinion. You know what is worse?? Someone else is gonna give son Beaucoup dollars. His robbing spree isn’t done yet.”- Khalid Boyd

(photo courtesy http://www.zimbio.com)

Safety-Da’Norris Searcy, Tennessee Titans ($3.625 million)

“He was signed by the Titans this past offseason to be a difference-maker. But unfortunately, the only difference that was made was his bank account and the Titans’ salary cap number. He was rarely noticed on the field and did not have that much of an effect on the Titans’ defense. Once they find him, hopefully he will give them something. But as of right now, there is an APB out there for him.” –Mike Patton

(photo courtesy Scott Threlkeld/The Advocate)

Cornerback-Brandon Browner, New Orleans Saints ($2.4 million)

“The Saints CB as held more receivers that James Bond has women in his movies.  He may have been a member of the Legion of Boom, but Brown has proven why that is in the past tense. At the bargain price of $2.4 million and $7.5  mil guaranteed, he one of the leagues most penalized cover men.”- Kyle Nash

(photo courtesy of http://www.fansided.com)

Cornerback-Brandon Carr, Dallas Cowboys ($12.7 million)

“Seventy-six tackles on a 4-12 team and getting 12.7 million this year??? You wanna talk about sticking cats up with no gun?? This dude did it. He got burned so much this season, if you look closely next to the star on his helmet, there’s tread marks. If he did any less, he’d be flipping french fries at Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr.  This dude is a burger of the plainest proportions. He was beat like a scalded dog, repeatedly. The local Dallas radio team broadcasters uttered his name with such disgust, you’d have though he slapped their mama.”-Khalid Boyd

(photo courtesy of http://www.blacksportsonline.com)

Cornerback- Byron Maxwell, Philadelphia Eagles ($8.7 million)

“Burnt Maxwell was made toast in one too many games this season. He did have two interceptions (slightly under $4.4 million per interception). But those don’t add up to the amount of SportsCenter highlights of him getting torched this season. I think opponents’ stadiums should have the “Toasty’ sound effect from Mortal Kombat on deck anytime he is on the field.”- Dan Dinkins

(photo courtesy of http://www.bleacherreport.com)

Linebacker-Brandon Graham, Philadelphia Eagles ($6million)

“When people speak of the debacle that was Chip Kelly as a GM in Philadelphia in 2015, many people associate it with a disappointing offense. But said offense also made it difficult to exist as an NFL defensive player having to stay on the field so much, especially if you are one who is overrated. And there is no better indicator of overrated than Brandon Graham’s $6 million 2015 cap hit and $13.5 million guaranteed by the end of 2016.  What miniscule sack numbers he amassed (6.5) and forced fumbles (3) he accrued when you think he got two of those sacks and two of those forced fumbles against an awful Cowboys offense on November 8^th. With Graham as a lesser known name, he is the antithesis of an anonymous charitable donor.  He is an anonymous recipient and the burdened donor is the Eagles front office.”-Kyle Nash

(photo courtesy of http://www.fansided.com)

Linebacker-Brian Orapko, Tennessee Titans ($4.47 million)

“With Brian Orakpo leaving the Redskins, the only starring role he can be associated with is the old Geico car insurance commercials saying their service as “so easy a caveman can do it”.  Hoping for an upgrade bringing in Orakpo, Tennessee instead still had a defense so bad, even an AFC South team can score on it. While the 3^rd highest player on the Titan Roster did record 7 sacks, $4,468,750 in 2015 warrants more performance.  With his 2016 salary due to almost double up to $8.25 million, this is the deal that keeps on stealing so bad it sends the Titans cap room situation back into the Stone Age.” – Kyle Nash

(photo courtesy of http://www.bleacherreport.com)

Linebacker-Dan Skuta, Jacksonville Jaguars ($4.6 million)

“Skuta was an overachiever when he played for the 49ers in 2014. Well, that all changed once he decided to go play for the Jacksonville Jaguars. At $4.6 million, he was expected to add to this team. He added alright…to the salary cap. Thirty-two tackles and 1.5 sacks just won’t cut it for the amount he was getting paid. And for a team that’s defense was subpar, he did little to help them get better. Such is life when expectations arise and the bank accounts gets a little bigger.” –Mike Patton

(photo courtesy of Matthew Emmons/USA TODAY Sports)

Defensive end- Greg Hardy, Dallas Cowboys ($11.3 million)

“HOW BOUT THIS COWBOY! At 1.88 million per sack, I would say this has been a lucrative season for him money-wise. But production-wise, he did more fighting on the sidelines than tackling (only 35 tackles). He was on a one-year deal with Dallas, so there is no telling whether he will return.”-Dan Dinkins

(photo courtesy of Bill Wippert/Associated Press)

Defensive End- Jerry Hughes, Buffalo Bills ($6.175 million)

“Well, Jerry knew that 2014 was the biggest year of his career. He was looking to get a payday and he finally earned one from a team. But this season, he was definitely not earning his keep. He teamed up with Mario Williams to make the most disappointing defensive end duo in the NFL. He may be getting paid, but he surely has gone back to the same guy that disappeared after he was made a 1^st round pick in Indianapolis.”-Mike Patton

(photo courtesy of Bob Leverone/Associated Press)

Defensive Tackle- Ndamukong Suh, Miami Dolphins ($6.1 million)

“Being a dominant defensive lineman for 5 years got parlayed into a lucrative deal for Suh. So what did he do this season besides look lost and frightened???  58 tackles and 6 sacks. For 6.1 million dollars???  Nah bruh. You went from Suh to Stew. This is robbery but you know what?? Homey is warming up for next year. He’s a massive man and has a cap number next year of over 29 million. He went from N-Dominant to N-Donkey Kong. You have got to be bananas to be paying that bread, and he’s definitely not bananas enough to say no. I was at Dolphin Stadium in October and drinks at the stadium are $17. A couple dozen rounds on you, fella?? You owe me!” –Khalid Boyd

(photo courtesy of Billy Hurst/USA TODAY Sports)

Defensive Tackle- Nick Fairley, St. Louis Rams ($4.75 million)

“Yes folks. He is still in the NFL. Someone gave Fairley the bright idea of having him sign a one-year deal to prove himself with the St. Louis Rams. Maybe that same person should have let him know the Rams’ defensive line was stacked. Or maybe he just wanted to find somewhere he could get the biggest payday for the least amount of work. Well, whatever the case, he surely got the best tickets anyone could have gotten. He even got to dress in a uniform and walk the sidelines for home and away games. And just to show them he had somewhat a pulse, he gave them a half a sack.”-Mike Patton

(photo courtesy of Mark J. Rebilas/US Presswire)

Kenneth Lay Award (Defensive MVP)- Mario Williams, Buffalo Bills ($19.4 million)

“Super Mario decided to play more like Luigi or even the Princess this past year. With only 19 combined tackles and five sacks (that’s one million per tackle or $3.88 million per sack), Williams made what may be his final season in Buffalo a bad one!!!! In a Rex Ryan defense, there is no reason why he should not be producing like one of the best pass rushers in the league. A huge letdown for a former #1 overall pick.”-Dan Dinkins

Enron still lives on with the naming of the Kenneth Lay award and none other than Mario Williams receives the inaugural one. There were many that got it done by making to their big contract and deciding they were done playing. And there were others that decided that somewhere along the life of their contract, they were going to call it quits while still in uniform. The committee has spoken and the All Ski-Mask Way defense has been named.

In you missed the All Ski-Mask Way offense, click here.

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